Monday, January 06, 2014

I dream of Mitt Romney

I woke up this morning after having an extraordinary dream about none other than last year’s losing presidential candidate. I got up and wrote it down in my insomnia notebook before I had a chance to forget. This is what I wrote:
       I am watching a TV movie featuring Mitt Romney. He has stolen a vintage Schwinn boy’s bicycle. The youngster who is the owner of the bike has disappeared. Mitt believes he will be suspected of having done something to the boy, so he pedals off. He ends up at my former coworker Jerry's house. Jerry tells Mitt he can stay overnight at his house. He even comes out in some yellow flannel pajamas with pictures of little pink bunnies on them. “I have more just like these you can wear,” says Jerry. Mitt tells him, “Gee, those are great jammies but I can't stay here. Let's go to my house.”
     Mitt looks out the window. The bike is lying on the grass where he dropped it. Mitt sees two neighbor boys looking at the bike with suspicion. The kids know it is the missing boy’s stolen bike. Mitt realizes he must keep running.

 Mitt could have afforded to buy this bike, but he chose to steal it. He didn’t get rich spending his money on things he can steal.
     Mitt and Jerry go to leave but Mitt sees the bike has two flat tires. They walk it across the street to a service station where Mitt puts his lips on the valve and tries to blow up the tire like a balloon. Jerry says, “No, Mitt! That's not how you do it!” Mitt admits he’s never had to do anything like fix a bike tire before. A lady who runs the service station comes out and shows Mitt how to use the air pressure hose.
       Because he knows Mitt is a fugitive Jerry changes his mind about going with him. Mitt takes off alone on the stolen bike. He pedals to a café where he is having lunch when he sees several police cars converging on the restaurant. Mitt says, “Oh, no! I'm busted!” The cops come in and tell Mitt the little boy has been found alive and well. He had just wandered off. “What a relief,” says Mitt. The police take the bike and leave Mitt eating his lunch. Happy ending.
The dream ends with me yelling at the television. "That son of a bitch got away with stealing the bike because he's rich!"

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